Deferred or Waitlisted? What to Do While Waiting for College Decisions
What to Do If You’re Deferred or Waitlisted
Waiting for college decisions can be one of the hardest parts of the admissions process.
(And How to Handle the Waiting Without Losing Your Mind)
If you, or your student, opened a college decision this winter and felt that sinking “Wait… what?” feeling, you’re not alone.
Deferral. Waitlist. Still waiting.
This stretch of the admissions process is uniquely hard. The applications are in. The essays are done. And yet nothing feels settled. There’s no clear yes, no clean no, just uncertainty.
And here’s the part no one really warns you about:
This is often the longest and quietest part of admissions season, and sometimes the most emotionally taxing.
Let’s talk about what’s actually happening, what helps, and how to move through the waiting without spiraling.
1. Name the Moment: This Is the Weirdest Part of the Process
From January through early spring, students are often stuck in a strange in-between:
You did everything you were supposed to do
Other people are posting acceptances
You’re refreshing portals you’ve already memorized
It can feel like you’re falling behind, even when you’re not.
For students, the waiting can stir up self-doubt.
For parents, it’s hard to watch your child sit with unanswered questions (and resist the urge to fix it).
If this feels unsettling, frustrating, or unfair, good news: that reaction is completely normal.
2. What Deferral and Waitlist Decisions Actually Mean (Without the Myths)
Let’s clear up a few things.
A deferral is not a rejection.
It simply means the college wants more information before making a final decision. That might include midyear grades, a broader view of the applicant pool, or clarity around institutional priorities. In other words, your application is still very much alive.
A waitlist is also not a polite “no.”
This part is especially misunderstood.
Being waitlisted usually has far less to do with you and far more to do with space.
Colleges build a class in layers. Once they reach capacity, either overall or within a specific program, they can’t admit every qualified student, even if they’d like to. In many cases, waitlists are created simply because the college ran out of room at that moment, not because applicants were ranked lower or viewed less favorably.
In fact, waitlists are often determined by logistical timing and enrollment management, not preference order. A waitlist is, in many ways, a conditional yes: We like you. We just don’t have space right now.
That’s an important distinction.
And here’s what neither a deferral nor a waitlist means:
That you weren’t qualified
That you made a fatal mistake
That your future hinges on this one decision
One of the hardest parts of this process is how easy it is to fixate on a single outcome: a waitlist, deferral, or rejection decision for one school. Admissions decisions are sometimes shaped by factors completely outside a student’s control.
A waitlist is often about space—not qualification.
I’ve seen this happen in two very different situations: when students are deeply invested in a particular college, and even when they aren’t. A school that wasn’t in a student’s top choice can suddenly feel monumental the moment it says no, or even not yet. That reaction is deeply human. When something registers as rejection, our brains are wired to focus on it, replay it, and give it more weight than it objectively deserves. Most students don’t realize they’re doing this; it’s an automatic response.
But here’s the truth:
If you were deferred, waitlisted, or rejected from a school that wasn’t a top choice, that’s actually okay. In many ways, it’s just helping to make your future decisions clearer.
And if the decision came from a school that was in your top three—yes, that hits closer to home. That disappointment deserves to be acknowledged. But it still doesn’t erase the strength of the list you built or the options ahead of you.
There are hundreds of colleges where students thrive, academically, socially, and personally. The list you created was built with your values, preferences, and goals in mind. Trust that process.
For many students, clarity doesn’t come from one decision; it comes after visiting a few of the colleges that did say yes. Often, a different “college home” becomes obvious once you step onto those campuses and imagine your life there.
Admissions decisions don’t define your future, even if it feels like it right now.
They simply open and close doors that help guide you toward the right next one.
3. What Students Can Do Right Now (That Actually Helps)
This is where it’s easy to feel powerless. But there are a few grounded, reasonable steps students can take—without turning life into an admissions grind all over again.
A few things that actually help:
If appropriate, send a thoughtful Letter of Continued Interest (LOCI)—clear, concise, and genuine. This isn’t about over-selling yourself; it’s about reaffirming interest and sharing meaningful updates, if you have them.
Stay engaged academically. This matters more than students often realize, especially if you were deferred. Steady effort counts far more than perfection.
Visit other colleges on your list, especially ones that have already said yes. Seeing campuses in person often brings clarity that decisions alone can’t.
Keep investing in activities that matter to you. Stick with what brings energy, purpose, or joy, not what you think admissions offices want to see.
Limit comparison spirals, particularly on social media. Other people’s timelines, acceptances, and highlight reels don’t tell the full story—and they’re rarely helpful.
Focus on things you can control. This might mean finishing strong in classes, preparing for AP or IB exams, or staying organized with deadlines and follow-ups.
Talk it out with someone you trust. Whether it’s a parent, counselor, teacher, or mentor, naming your worries out loud often takes away some of their power.
Give yourself permission to live your life. Spend time with friends, play your sport, work your job, or enjoy downtime without guilt. You’re allowed to be more than an applicant.
Remind yourself why your original college list made sense. You built it based on fit, values, and goals, not just outcomes. Trust that process.
This isn’t about proving yourself again or “doing more” to earn a spot.
It’s about staying connected to who you already are.
4. A Note for Parents (Because Your Role Matters Here)
If you’re a parent reading this: your presence during this stretch matters more than your advice.
What tends to help:
Listening without immediately strategizing
Expressing confidence in your student, not just outcomes
Letting conversations be about life, not always college
What often backfires (even when well-intentioned):
Over-monitoring portals
Replaying “what ifs” out loud
Turning every update into a problem to solve
You don’t need the perfect script.
You just need to be a calm, steady place to land.
I also wrote more extensively about this dynamic in Coping with College Rejection: How Parents Can Support Their Teen, which many families find helpful during this stage.
5. The Waiting Game
This part of the process asks students to wait, and asks families to wait with them.
That’s not easy.
This waiting period often does something important, even if it doesn’t feel productive right now: it builds resilience. Learning how to sit with uncertainty, manage disappointment, and keep moving forward without clear answers are skills students will use again and again—in college and far beyond it.
It’s also worth remembering that outcomes aren’t fully knowable in January. Waitlists move. Financial aid offers change. Campus visits can shift perspective in ways no acceptance letter ever could. What feels like a “maybe” now can become an easy yes—or an easy no—later on.
But here’s the perspective I come back to every year:
Very few students end up exactly where they expected in January. And many end up somewhere that fits them better than they imagined.
Families don’t need to solve everything right now. January isn’t a deadline—it’s a midpoint. There is still time for decisions to unfold, for new information to come in, and for clarity to emerge naturally rather than being forced.
This stretch feels endless, but it isn’t.
And it doesn’t define what comes next.
A Final Thought
If you’re deferred, waitlisted, or still waiting:
Nothing about this moment negates the work you’ve done or the paths still open to you.
And if you’re supporting someone through it:
Being steady, present, and patient is already more than enough.
If you're looking for more info, head over to my website, Higher & Hire. And if you need help, just drop me a message here.
Many Thanks!
Valerie Palmer
